Parenting and emotional self regulation

Parent self- regulation check: The more kids freak out, the calmer you are supposed to get.

What happens for you? Are you freaking out along or even louder? OR are you self-regulating?

The fact is - the majority of adults lack emotional self-regulation. We get into rage, intense fear and general nervous dysregulation by the smallest of triggers. We are overwhelmed by emotions so frequently and incidentally that at times it feels like they run our lives.

I am a believer that we can learn anything at any age. Learning self - regulation is a gift we can give ourselves and pass it on to future generations.

Self- regulation is not about forcing control over “undesired” behaviours and reactions. The prerequisite of self- regulation is understating and accepting what is in you right here and right now, understating and accepting what frightens, delights, energises, terrifies, numbs you. All that is here and now. It’s about making peace with what is showing up, embracing and healing.

Many of us have been raised by emotionally dysregulated parents, emotionally unavailable parents, stressed and lost parents. It means, self- regulation was not modelled for many of us. We did not have that emotional scaffold against which we could develop and mature with our emotions, becoming more responsive and less reactive.

Make it a priority this year to learn self- regulation. I will be putting some simple steps and instructions to support you with it.